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 It's never easy uprooting your family and taking them halfway around the globe. The first time can be a potential nightmare. Consequently, you would think the second move would be easier. Or is it? In times of geo-political unrest, yes even crisis, many corporations have had to evacuate their expat families. These families are for the most part not willing to accept another posting and other potential candidates are often reluctant to accept offers if they have families.
Yet here are the facts: 45% of the expat population have children and their average age ranges from 5 to 12 years old. Whereas in the past it was often assumed that children were flexible and unaffected by such large lifestyle changes, a new awareness has surfaced that recognizes children's sensitivity and varying level of tolerance for an international move. This hightened awareness needs to be incorporated as an integral part of preparing for relocation. Families often find that time quickly runs out right before the big moving day. With the pressing need for boxes to be packed and good-byes to be made, there is little time left to search for adequate ways to prepare the children. The young ones often find themselves in a transitional whirlwind that can leave them confused and frustrated with the uncertainties ahead. Parents, projecting their hopes and aspirations on the children, most often deny the concerns felt by the child. "Yes, you will have to learn a new language, but you will be fine." Or, "Sure, you will go to a new school, but you will make friends." "No, we can not take the dog, but Benny will be happy with this new family." Not wanting to alarm, parents tend to gloss over these issues without helping the children address their concerns or listen to and settle their emotions. Multiple Changes Naturally, personality and developmental stage vary from one child to another. Their individual needs, preferences, openness and coping skills will differ, but there remains a large challenge to be met even by the most flexible of children. Let's not forget: a move involves more than just changing schools, there are new systems in place, other learning styles. Foremost is the total loss of reference for the child: the loss of friends. When moving abroad there are the additional challenges of learning a foreign language, adjusting to a new cultural environment and settling in to a house which is not yet a home, all during a period in the children's lives when they are still searching for their own identity. It is therefore not uncommon to see children react in their own unique ways to these changes. Signs To Look For In Your ChildAnger, a sense of helplessness, and resentment are expressions of unresolved grief in children. Another observed behavior is an extremely passive attitude towards the move and the new cultural environment. Other children are driven by the fear of remaining an outsider, urgently demanding attention, and end up being labeled "difficult" or hyperactive. Some kids may feel hesistant to discuss their struggles with their parents out of concern for adding yet another problem to a parent's overwhelmed agenda. Other children are unable to share their feelings with parents because their concerns may have been initially denied prior to the move. A Resource to Help YouA child friendly questionnaire is available free online at www.CONSULTus.net/expatkids/welcome.htm. It encourages the child to reflect and express his/her concerns about the upcoming move and helps to facilitate internal family communication. The document is part of an ongoing survey which parents are encouraged to participate in by submitting a parent questionnaire which is available on-line as well. Virtual Community Staying in touch with loved ones and sharing life experiences are universal needs. For children the internet has become an important tool to fulfill just these needs. The (non commercial) website www.Ori-and-Ricki.net is specially designed for expat kids. It features special sections where kids write about their experiences abroad. Other areas include country-specific information, great links, recommended books, etc. Ori, the migrating bird, together with his new found friend Ricki host this website. They not only are easy characters to identify with, but are accessible by e-mail, so kids can ask questions, share their resources or contribute to the site. If you would like further advice on coping with the trials of changing your environment and the stress it can bear on the family, please consult our Psychological Counseling section. Return to top
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